I’d been looking forward to time alone. I always do. Time to get that work done, time to take care of all the details, time to go for a run and to lie on the sofa lazy and quite sure nobody will come and want me to look play read admire come do help but then of course she leaves and all that time just feels empty and I’m quite alone. Last night I wrote a farewell speech from my colleagues to myself on the occasion of my retiring party in 30 or 35 years. Looking forwards towards hindsight it is far easier to filter out all the things that I don’t want to do today, that I shouldn’t do today. I’m not quite ready to spell them out in public yet, though. I know enough to see that I’m a long way from understanding enough about academia to know exactly how to manoeuvre my way through all the people and details and demands. I’m leaving details and demands behind in a couple of days (after checking off a lot of items on lists) for a conference, and after that, several weeks with time to look play read admire come do help love a long way from work.

06. June 2004 by Jill

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